"I'm So Ugly"

Updated: Jul 22, 2020


Social media page, The Shaderoom recently posted a viral video about a Black girl referring to herself as "I'm so ugly". Please click the link if you have not seen the video (https://www.instagram.com/p/B9auUzQBiMs/). It is unfortunate this video was recorded, posted, and went viral. I always have thoughts about videos going viral that include children and how it impacts them now and in the future. Why do these moments have to be recorded and what are the intentions? Is it to go viral? Even if it isn't what's the purpose? While technology can be useful, sometimes it is to our detriment as it taints intimate moments and reinforces social comparison. But I digress...That's another post for another day...

What I will say about this video is that it illustrates similar feelings that many Black girls seem to feel and and can go on to feel in adulthood. My first reactions when seeing this video were wondering how her female parent/guardian feels about herself, what examples are given to this child that demonstrate the importance and need to care for yourself, and are the examples healthy? Next, I pondered how can people whether a parent or guardian not give compliments to a child, and let's say the parent/guardian does. I am confident that even if adequate modeling is exhibited to this child, the lack of compliments impacted her. Believe it or not, not saying anything can be just as harmful. How much effort does it truly take to pay someone a compliment, especially children. We live in a cruel world where bullying is a very real circumstance with our children. Lastly, I was thankful for the hair stylist in the video and her energy. She demonstrated to the child an energy that communicated she could be trusted enough for this child to be vulnerable about her pain as a four-year-old.

It is so important as women, women of color, and definitely as parents that we engage in our own self-healing and self-care to prevent inflicting our pain onto our children. You don't have to be a caregiver to do this. Even when you see children in passing in your communities, organizations, or at the store pay them a compliment. It can go a long way! And not a compliment about their material items, but their hair, their skin, their overall appearance. If you're going to do this be genuine. It is my deepest desire that the precious and beautiful child's negative internal thoughts about herself were redirected and will continue to be reinforced.

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